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Cake day: Jul 08, 2023

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“WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN DO YOU WANT THE TERRORISTS TO WIN?? Now shut up and give us your private data and let us control your access to ‘your’ games.”

  • Sony boss

“Of course it was cost-intensive to program an engine that will render every single eyelash at a resolution that will require the player to buy an additional graphics card for each eyelash concurrently on-screen, but now we only need twelve and a half billion people to buy, no, what am I saying, to pre-order and pre-pay the Ultra-Super-Deluxe-Collector’s Edition and we’ll start to turn a profit.”

  • current AAA gaming

Well, finally. There are still so many unused seconds in a day where the consumer cattle is not forcibly blasted with advertisements, it brings tears to the eyes…


“Okay, but I don’t see why we can’t revisit my suggestion to send the Pinkertons to all owners of the original version and have them break their kneecaps if they don’t give us all the money they have.”

“With all due respect sir, that is… Have you read the brief that Legal sent you on that matter?”

“I skimmed it… but I’m not convinced.”


They’re instead letting an AI generate their stock price. It is a number now.


Yes they can. Unless they charge 70 bucks for the base game every 3 hours now and every few minutes, they release a paid DLC with one (1) new added name.




What does “7” even mean? I enjoyed every aspect of it precisely 70 percent? Seven out of ten criteria were perfect but the remaining three failed? I had seven great hours for every three terrible ones? Boiling down the experience of playing a game to a number is like giving someone your telephone number via the medium of interpretative dance.


Some people are just looking for something to keep them busy while chatting.


They’re still putting out trailers for a game that came out in 1992? Impressive.




“People were complaining that I sent them to fetch me a sandwich every five minutes, so we listened to their complaints and next game, the player character will have no legs and thus not be able to move anymore.”


You now have a one-quest-long window to do these three steps in order otherwise you will never be able to complete this quest line due to missing out on the item that’s only available if you use this specific thingamajig on the other thingamajig in the hidden room. There isn’t any indication of that in the entire game, except that some quest will never ever finish and be stuck on the vague “find x things” stage forever. If you google how to finish the quest in thirty hours of game time, you’re just SoL. Better luck next run.

What exactly is the “role” one is playing here? Diviner? Psychic reading the game dev’s mind?



Absolutely catastrophic mismanagement.

Hard disagree. When the vultures gut and eat the racehorse they just bought, they’re perfectly happy with the outcome.


May update. May not update. Who’s to say?


Yeah, but it’s a straight terrible port from a mobile game with a solid gacha foundation and Baldur’s Gate skins tacked on. Also you need to subscribe and pay a weekly fee to get access to the premium lockboxes that may or may not (spoiler: they do not) give you the characters/skins/whatever that you actually came for. Everything is time-gated unless you pay more of the premium currency to be allowed to grind more for a chance that won’t proc anyway unless you go into debt to buy enough crates.


a multiplayer game

No.

Not *A * multiplayer game. A multiplayer STAR WARS game. And not just any multiplayer Star Wars game - no, the single best received Star Wars game of its kind in the last two decades, coupled with its prequel… And they estimated around 200 people to play it at launch.

Like.

What.


How hard is it to just release a game that works?

Harder than delivering shit and cashing in just as much. The grab&run simply is more profitable than actually putting in the work - especially since there seem to be no palpable negative consequences.


The nice lady who plugs the connections at the post office would give a telemarketer a stern talking-to and that’s that.



Third Half-Life 3 DLC likely to launch before GTA6 too.


“You can either side with the Stormcloaks or the… hey, where are you going?”

[1200 hours later]

“Wait, what was that quest in the journal about again?”


Corporations want gamers to want mass subscriptions because they want to rent out their games forever instead of getting only a single payment for their product. And then they find flimsy excuses to push subscriptions for products that do not warrant subscriptions but are mutilated to squeeze some way of adding subscriptions into them. And then the corporations let games without subscriptions fail while pretending that subscription-based services are delivered because there’s demand and not because they don’t want to deliver finished products that don’t generate easy endless trickling revenue streams.


Probably more than zero,which is what they’re getting out of CoH now.


A month? 2 bucks a month is still somewhere between 2 bucks and infinite bucks, depending on how long you use them, and that is not what seems fair for a mod. Remember when a whole game would cost a finite amount of money rather than a potentially infinite one?


It’s the dairy farmer selling his only milk cow for all that sweet, sweet cow-selling cash, failing to see that this may potentially have an adverse effect on his milk-selling cash henceforth.