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Cake day: Jul 04, 2023

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Article next year: how 20 million unsold Switch 2 consoles finally killed the world oldest videogaming company.


Primal is a game that got a lot of hype at the time but nobody ever seems to talk about any more. No remaster, no sequel, nothing.



They’ve been pretty underwhelming for a while now.

You used to get crazy deals on games only a few months old. Now it’s just the same 50% off a five year old game before being ramped back up to full price between sales.

There’s a few bargains of stuff you may have missed, but likely they’ve been an Epic freebie, or on PSPlus or in a Humble Bundle by now.


A game for everybody is a game for nobody.

I like the fact that everybody seemed to be expecting Grand Theft Horsey, and got a slow paced Wild West sim.

I actually played Assassin’s Creed Origins right after playing this for like two months straight, and it just felt so “gamey” in comparison.


Did you play the first one in the reboot trilogy?

There’s a bit where she has to kill somebody in self defence and then breaks down over it, before spending the entire rest of the game plonking arrows through people’s skulls.



It’s a shame because their original Tomb Raider trilogy remaster was really good.


And by “new textures” we mean “just run it through a slop machine and don’t even look at it”


Like a Dr Strange game from the PS2 era.


The multiplayer will be like that.

But I’m not here for that, and Rockstar and Naughty Dog are in the “haven’t let me down yet” club.



I had to reopen the picture, as I was thinking they’d remade the PS1 Speed Freaks.

And now I’m disappointed again.


I cancelled mine ages ago when I realised I was basically just getting the PSN and Epic games over and over.


SMG2 is probably the best 3D Mario game, but since I already own them I’ll just keep what I have.

Dolphin can play them both just fine. If it’s anything like the last pack, it’ll be the laziest possible emulation anyway. This shit should have been in the NSO subscription if they’re not actually going to remake it.


Well at least they finally trained someone to be a good shot


I thought it was a decent 20 hour game squeezed into a 100 hour open world slog, that completely ruins the urgent nature of the plot.

Phantom Liberty was pretty great though. The confined nature of it let the story develop with pace.

CDPR should just stop trying to force everything into open worlds because their games are still good in spite of them, not because of them.


Yeah, I wasn’t fond of 2. Although you could just kill them 12 times and never have them respawn. Quite tedious, especially in the DLC.


For me though, a lot of Souls games are about opening shortcuts and then running past anything left to get another go at the bosses.



Maybe they allocate a bit more resources before the obvious big games, and the surprise popularity of this one just caught them all off guard.



Kuri Kuri Mix. PS2. FromSoft’s forgotten game.

Baldurs Gate Dark Alliance was good too. Felt like Gauntlet.



Seeing Ubisoft describe Far Cry 6 as AAAA made a mockery of the whole A-rating system anyway. It never really meant anything other than “erm, we’re charging more for it this year”.


The sad thing is none of them want to make a bad game. They just cit so many rough edges off so nobody cuts themselves that they all end up making the same ball.

Much rather have a game like Death Stranding that half the players are going to bounce off and the rest are going to love all the more for it.


Because fuck Konami.

Which I can sort of agree with.


Yeah, there’s a definite Commodore 64 aesthetic to it, but it feels like every pixel is meaningful. It’s all just detailed enough to be able to tell what’s going on.


I still can’t believe they remastered the wrong one.


Road Rash was great, but I feel the real spiritual successor was Burnout 3: Takedown.


Mostly fine. The loading screens (rifts) just take a bit longer on slower hardware.


Doesn’t even make a difference for that, for the most part. Most game loading is still CPU bound once you go past spinning rust.


To save us all watching 25 minutes of algorithm-swill, which games actually take advantage?






Thing is, even if you look at all the Mario Kart characters, there’s only a handful that are big names. Nobody wants to play as a Shy Guy. Even Link and Zelda feel wildly out of place, although maybe they wouldn’t have done in a Links Awakening style rather than what they went for.

I think Sony could do an Astro Bot on it and put in a bunch of their other characters in there. Lego has potential if they can get a bunch of their licensed characters in there (although you know with that kind of money floating around, most of them will be DLC locked behind Harry Potter packs, etc). A horrendously expensive MCU license maybe with some chibified characters.

I think Mario Kart just has that easy “an idiot can play it” gameplay, but it doesn’t get boring once you know what you’re doing. It’s a really hard balance to get right. The only recent attempt was CTR, and it didn’t have that first factor at all, it was hard as nails.



I think Astro Bot is already better than any 3D Mario.

We’re missing a really good kart racer though. CTR wasn’t it (and certainly not after they stuffed a load of DLC into it weeks after release), and the last one I really enjoyed was Speed Freaks on the PS1…