First party Nintendo games maintain value forever. This is not exclusive to the switch.
None of the first party games are slow or laggy.
Online is nothing special. Splatoon 3 plays great, though.
First party games and indie games are the only great reasons to own a switch and if you stick to those guns, most everything you said doesn’t hold water.
I do think some characters need to be tweaked. I also think it’s ok if it’s just silly fun.
I think I would rather see the entire roster approach OP vs trying to balance everything perfectly, as that is likely a fool’s errand.