First party Nintendo games maintain value forever. This is not exclusive to the switch.
None of the first party games are slow or laggy.
Online is nothing special. Splatoon 3 plays great, though.
First party games and indie games are the only great reasons to own a switch and if you stick to those guns, most everything you said doesn’t hold water.
In a broader sense, the best games are fun to simply exist in. Getting from point A to point B should be interesting from a movement perspective.
Mario Odyssey is a great example. Just parkour’ing around is a blast.
BotW has shield surfing and such.
Lots of shooters have a bunny hop mechanic.
Wave-dashing in Celeste.
Etc etc.