You want someone to test your games for ways to break it? I know just the guy!

“Hey there, it’s Josh. Today we’re checking out The Milgram Experiment. Thank you devs for the complimentary game code. This is a horror/moral choice simulator. And we all know how trustworthy MY morals and choices are! But enough about that, it’s time for NEW GAME!!!”

20 minutes later

“Well, everything’s on fire. Everyone’s dead. And the frame rate is a staggering 3 frames per year! So that seems like a great place to call it a day. I hope you had fun, I know I did, and I’d like to thank the devs for this copy of their broken game. I’ll see ya next time!”

…oops. Yes I did.

I remember when GTA 5 came out, everybody was excited. San Andreas had been HUGE. Both in map size, and in game sales.

I bought it day 1. Then the PS4 came out, and GTA5 for PS4. By this point we all knew what GTA5 was.

My friend wanted so badly for me to buy a PS4, just to buy GTA 5 again, just so he’d have someone to play with.

Then PS5 came out. Same story.

I actually bought a PS4 at some point. Regret it. Barely ever played it.

Then I bought a PS5. Regret it. Barely ever play it.

And now that I know how microtransaction laiden GTA is, I’ll be skipping GTA6 entirely.

Now I see them firing a bunch of people. A few days later I see GTA6 is delayed until this time next year.

Why would anyone be excited for a series that now peaked 21 years ago, and has only had 1 other release in that time?

Oh god…I had no idea THATS who was buying them!

Welp. On this day, we lost EA as we once knew it. And nothing of value was lost.

Ummmmm, nobody gives a shit if EA keeps creative freedom. Nobody likes EA. EA aquires creative studios, takes their IPs, steps on the throats of creative giants who made name value for something, and then laughs as they add borderline mandatory paid DLC, and laughs as they destroy properties.

If this new owner does literally nothing besides buy smaller studios, and leave them alone to do what they want, it’s an improvement.

Bazzite seems to be the go-to answer for linux gaming.

Though, shouldn’t it not matter? It’s all linux. It should all perform just the same.

Oh come on, mexican government! You’re better than this! In the 1950s parents said Elvis and his rock and roll music were corrupting the youth. So music was the tool of satan. Surprise surprise, total bullshit.

In the 1970s, skateboarding and hanging out in the malls were corrupting the youth. Surprise surprise, total bullshit.

In the 1990s, video games were corrupting the youth. Surprise surprise, total bullshit.

In the 2010s, social media was corrupting the youth. Surprise surprise, total bullshit. At least at that time. Today social media is highly manipulated TO INTENTIONALLY be corruptive, but not so much in the days of vine.

And now today, video games are corrupting the youth and making them violent. See Mexico? You can do better. This is a rerun and you know it. But fear not. I know a bigger problem that is corrupting not only the youth, but also adults, and even the elderly. You wanna know what the real problem in society is? Let ME have a go…

Religion is corrupting the humans! They’re starting wars because an invisable man in the sky told them to. Two sides each argueing that their version of the invisable man is the REAL magical invisable man.

Billions of people have died over the centuries. It is without a doubt the biggest source of corruption any society has ever faced.

In addition to all the violence, there’s also rapist priests. And money laundering. And at one time crusades to force their religion on an unwilling population.

But sure. Little 10 year old Jose is getting violent because he played mortal kombat. Couldn’t have anything to do with that chaotic and toxic home life watching his alcoholic father beat his mother, right?

Religion is corrupting the humans. What POSSIBLE rebuttal could anyone have to that?

…or alive

I’m confused. Why the NSFW tag?

Have you heard of stardew valley? Made by one guy, 16 bit sprite pixelart, although he does still work his ass off.

Two outta three ain’t bad, right?

“Does you feel”? Noes I don’ts.

That’s the thing. PS2 at one time was the best selling system of all time. I forget if that record still holds up. I know the DS oversold it, but thats not a tv console.

Point is, with any console that had that big of an impact on gaming, it’s going to have a ton of bangers that still hold up 20+ years later.

And boy howdy if that ain’t true!

I’m honestly surprised there aren’t independant projects releasing new PS2 games today, in the same way you see occasional new releases for NES and Game Boy Color.

It seems like it’s AI or nothing.

I choose nothing.

See, the thing is, the guy with the ball? He’s the one with the ball.

And the guy with the ball??? Well he’s the one with the ball!!! And as we all know, the guy who’s playing with his balls, is the one who controls EVERYTHING!!! So you can’t just give the ball to just anyone. I mean my god! What if you try to give the ball to some guy who’s not ready to run??? You don’t see Brady throwing a football to Stephen Hawking!!! You know why??? Because he’s dead! And also because he can’t run…because, again, he’s dead. Dead people can’t run.

I’m honestly baffled why Usain Bolt never played football. Imagine giving that guy the ball and telling him “your job…is to RUN!!!”

Wasted oppertunity is what that is! Yeah, sure, he competed in the olympics. But just imagine if he made the Cleveland Browns into a winning team! He’d be the highest paid athlete EVER!!!

People would say “You won the BROWNS a championship??? Holy fuck! Lets get you on a box of Wheaties!”

I mean…right?

For me it’s not. Don’t get me wrong, I hate AI.

But also, I don’t buy games from EA for the past 10 years.

So all I’m hearing is that the Madden series will either be sold off, or die.

I only bought every few years. Because really, why buy 2013 when you have 2012? Buuuuut, you can justify buying 2017, when all you have is 2012.

I think that was the first Madden game I bought where it didn’t have a season mode.

I do not give a FUUUUUCK about franchise mode. I don’t care about running a team. I don’t care about controlling an individual player from high school to NFL. I don’t care about designing plays. I don’t care about roster trades.

I don’t even know the names of the players. I don’t know what a nickle or dime is. I just know this play is a passing play, and I can either throw to L1, or X. Then I let the play develop, and see who’s open.

All I want to do is play 16 games, and if we make it, the playoffs. Once we either win or don’t win the superbowl, the game is over for me.

Literally the only 2 modes I give a flying fuck about are exhibition and season. Don’t know don’t care what player packs are, or elite cards, or any of this XP bullshit. I do not give one flying fuck.

But let the guy run, and I press the button, and he throws the ball. Then if he catches it, let me run with it.

And they took away the part of the game I spend 80% of my time in. So I took away any sales I gave them since.

But Potoooooooo is?

Just curious. Was Potooooooo taken? What about Potoooooo? How about Potooooo? Potoooo? Potooo? Potoo? Poto? Pot? Po? P? ?

Actually, if Luigi wins, Mario still wins. There’s 3 Marios. Mario Mario, and Luigi Mario.

Check the manual for Super Mario Bros. The original on NES.

Mario is described as “The hero of our story (maybe)”

Which is kind of a weird way to describe the main character.

Elden Ring has been praised by everyone.

It’s one thing if a reviewer says it’s good. His livelyhood relies on the video game industry thriveing. If you stop buying this game, the studio won’t make the next game. If the studio won’t make the next game, the reviewer can’t review the next game. If the reviewer can’t review the next game, then where does their paycheck come from?

So I’m not saying they knowingly artificially raise scores and sell games. I’m just saying maybe a 7 gets reviewed as an 8 just so the reviewer won’t feel awkward when meeting with industry folk at the next industry get together.

But when gamers collectively band together, and say itxs 10/10, and game of the year, I feel rest assured that Elden Ring is as good as people say.

I have not bought Elden Ring. I have not played Elden Ring. In all honesty, I probably won’t. Why?

BECAUSE YOU DON’T NEED TO PLAY EVERY SINGLE GAME JUST BECAUSE IT’S AMAZING!!! YOU CAN JUST NOOOOOT PLAY IT!

Don’t blame too many games. Don’t blame reviewers. Don’t blame anything. This is only a problem if you let it control your life. Variety is good for everybody. Some games you can just let others enjoy. I’m glad Elden Ring is so great. I don’t feel bad I missed it. I’m happy for you if you loved it.

Isn’t that so much healthier of an attitude to have?

But his name was Bowser! You know…like the Nintendo character!

Yeah, past the first week of funny headlines I never thought of him again.

Oooh! Oooh! I know this one!

Tomb Raider!

Trump listens to Fox News on the daily. He takes advice and opinions from Fox News. Fox News influences his stances and direction.

In this way, Fox News is even more powerful than Trump himself. Because Fox News influences like half the country, but also influences Trumps future actions.

So it’s not that Fox News covers the news. The issue is that Fox News creates news.

Who do you think they’ll run in 2028?

Even if you’ve never heard of video games, you can tell this is total bullshit by the fact that RFK jr is saying it.

20 years ago I had a boss that always held his pens in his mouth.

So one day, when I was the only guy in the office, I took all his pens, and one by one stuck them up my butt.

Then I put them back in his cup.

I have a theory.

None of this is real. It’s a simulation thats been abandoned. And now, all the errors are compounding.

Haven’t seen the show in maybe a decade, until the other night when I saw he did an episode on mario paint…with GWAR

This question no longer needs to be asked.

No. No he’s not.

Nobody is winning anymore.

The grumps are also featured in the game now.

I am the gayest gay who ever was a gay.

I feel like this is going to be a trivia question.

“Who was the gayest gay who ever was a gay?”

“JohnVanDenver?”

“No, I’m sorry, the answer is JimVanDeventer.”

This is the rare case where at no point was a clear coherent statement ever made, and yet everybody knew exactly what your frustrated ranting mumbles meant.

In 2008, someone did the math. Just from 2 years of Wii sales, just the hardware, not the games, Nintendo could stay afloat for 163 years based on the ecconomy at the time.

So, lets adjust for inflation that we know it is today, and call it 110 years.

I don’t think it’s been 110 years since 2006. I could be wrong though. Covid screwed up everybodies internal clock.

YouTuber Hunter Irving set out to make the Japan-only ASCII Keyboard Controller for the GameCube compatible with Animal Crossing.

Literally the second sentence of the article.

Remember when Retro Game Corps almost had his youtube channel shut down by Nintendo for showing Nintendo footage on these handhelds?

Yeah…he’s probably thinking to himself “Welp. Time to retire.”

I mean…I feel like that’s enough, honestly. Jack Black voiced Bowser just because he can sing. Chris Pratt voiced Mario…for reasons I still don’t understand.

I was never a Charles Martinet fan, and Capt Lou Albano is dead. But at least Arin IS a voice actor. Shit, he could probably do what The Simpsons and Family Guy do, where one guy voices like half the characters.

He could do Mario, Toad, DK JR, and Sugar Bear. I know Sugar Bear isn’t a Nintendo property, but fuck it, ya know? Have you seen him voicing Sugar Bear and Granny? I could legit watch a weekly 30 minute cheaply animated show where they keep having Sugar Bear steal Grannys cereal.

Although I do think he, and JackSepticeye, and Markiplier and Danny Sexbang all spread themselves a tad thin at times. Taking on too many projects at once.

I can’t blame them though. Their lives look fun. Basically they wake up and get to ask themselves “Ok, what stupid shit do I want to do today?”

And then we get the 10 minute power hour, where they learn to do cirque del soil, or they order a bunch of kit kat flavors from amazon.

I’d be much fatter, but much happier if I was told "Your job today is to eat chocolate in the morning, and at 3pm you’re going to talk in silly voices working for Nintendo.

Imagine living THAT life.

Blame Nintendo.

Back in the early 1980s fresh off the video game crash of 1983, Nintendo was on the verge of releasing the Famicom in Japan, and needed a way to market the console in America.

There was just one rule. In America, video games were dead. A fad. Disco was dead, and so were video games. So it wasn’t a Famicom. It was a Nintendo Entertainment System.

In stores like Woolworths (think Walmart but not terrible) and Hills (think Target, but also a bit shady) they tried marketing the NES as an Entertainment system. It wasn’t a video game. It was an appliance. Like a VCR. It was the only way to get stores to agree to stock the damn thing. No store wanted the risk of a video game.

Well, after a year of selling, and research Nintendo found kids were the main target of their product.

So they shifted away from the electronics section and into the toy isle. There was just one problem. Toy stores in America were divided. Some isles carried toys for boys, and the other half of the isles carried the toys for girls.

A bit of market research showed that interest in Nintendo shifted slightly more towards boys. 55%‐45%.

What happens next is the key to the PS2 ads.

Nintendo chose to carry the NES in the boys section of the toy isles. Which had an IMMEDIATE influence over not only the marketing in America, but also the direction developers took their games.

There was a clear shift towards the games AND the marketing being geared towards boys 5-13.

Nintendo then DOMINATED the video game landscape. Seriously. If your mom today is roughly 80 years old, theres a pretty good chance she calls all video games “Nintendos” (regardless of brand), the same way she calls all tissues “kleenex”. Or if you’re from the south (especially Georgia) all soft drinks “coke”. Could be orange soda, it’s a coke. Just like it’s one of those Xbox 1080p Nintendos.

Well by the time of the PS2 days, that influence, even though Sony had nothing to do with it, had caked over. Video games were now very male centric, and the age range grew up with them.

In the late 80s, you were 5 years old playing super mario bros. In the mid 90s, you were 13 playing tomb raider and argueing with friends over the validity of a nude cheat code. And by 2001 you were 18 and horny, and…hey, look at these ads for the PS2. They’re edgy!

And that is my TedTalk on why raunchy dreamcast ads, and raunchy PS2 ads goes all the way back to the atari 2600 game crashing the whole industry worldwide 20 years earlier.

That, and puberty.

Atari 2600

Tickle tickle!

Please tell me it’s a sequal/spinoff to the Super Mario Bros movie.

And please tell me Arin Hanson voices the role of Donkey Kong JR.

Now, in case you’re confused about which one DK JR is, there was a 1982 game called “Donkey Kong JR”. It was a sequal to the 1981 game game “Donkey Kong”. He also made an appearance in the SNES game “Mario Kart”.

And then we never heard from him again.

The Donkey Kong in Donkey Kong Country is actually Donkey Kongs grandson. Which would make Cranky Kong the original DK…AND THUS THE COOLEST!!!

I just want Arin Hanson to guest cameo as DK JR.