Bowtie, but also, maybe add a vest and a cane?

Duke Nukem Forever Intensifies

God damn the German language sure uses the entire alphabet in every word…How do they fit names onto their street signs???

Mastodon gHmbH? What happened there? Was he naming the company and somehow fell on the keyboard?

My eyes read “pearl jam”. My brain read “pearl jam”. But my memory of what “pearl jam” was, deleted “pearl jam” and inserted “space jam”.

So even though I was reading and thinking pearl jam, I was also remembering that pearl jam is a 1990s half live action, half cartoon movie starring the looney toons and micheal jordan in an attempt to play basketball better than some aliens for some reason.

That’s pearl jam, alright?

Well. I notice the headline doesn’t say the movie has a GOOD script.

…well. What happened???

I mean…you just described large portions of 1997 and 1998. On the weekend.

Some houses had a rule. No oddjob. I had a different rule. You’re oddjob. It was no fun if it was an even fight. I needed a handicap to make it harder.

Have you uploaded it to FDroid?

Did you live in a home with smokers? Or with pets that might shed hair?

No, I played this game 24 years ago. I’m sure he made some “seaman” jokes, just like he probably made jokes about having worms if he ever played worms armageddon. Those are just old jokes.

I know! I KNEW I had to repeatedly emphasize that I’m not joking. I KNEW it sounded batshit insane from the perspective of someone who’s never heard of it. And even after all the reassurance from me that it DID exist, your first instinct was still “This guys full of shit! Let’s confirm with google…oh.”

…I think you might have just been thinking a game released in 2000, so probably in development in 1996, and running on dreamcast hardware would ever do great things with human voice translation.

I’ve only ever had 1 mic. It still works today. I mean the software was never great at understanding, but you gotta remember it’s essentially a glorified tamagachi with hardware ambitions that were probably pushing the breaking point of technology of the dreamcast.

Don’t you give them ideas!!!

No…in the old days it made each console feel different. There might be SOME overlap between the SNES and the Genesis, but for the most part they’re entirely different libraries.

But if you’re trying to have console wars on any generation since the PS3, then it’s just stupid. It’s like 90% shared libraries, so the few exclusives don’t mean shit. There’s no personality to the consoles anymore.

Except Nintendo. Nintendo does weird things on their own path.

…are you Jesus?

Uhhhhh…why?

“Steam 2024: You played the same one game on an unsupported OS, on an no longer supported client…but just that one game for like 800 hours. We’re worried about you. Are you ok?”

Is probably what mine would say…

That’s not a headline. That’s like the science community releasing a headline that Earth has been confirmed to be an oxygen rich environment.

I can understand hating WOW. I can even understand not getting into WC3. But how do you enjoy WC1, but lose interest at WC2???

That’s like saying “A hamburger is good, but I just can’t into bacon double cheeseburgers.”

I can see my house!

I mean…those aren’t lost sales exactly…but I’m sure Nintendo still doesn’t like it.

Literally on sale right now.

I hate you not being able to tell me the future too. I need those damn lotto numbers!!!

:D

I knew what you meant. I was just really proud of tying it to “bone apple tea”.

I’m only here to amuse myself.

Civ…7 is coming out??? Oh! Oh! So I guess I’m just going to need a time machine??? Is that it??? Because I’m an adult now!!! Working 6 damn days a week!!! Explain how I can just stop time, and spend 72 hours straight fighting off Gondi and his aggressive ass nukes!!! Explain that shit to me!!! Already work 16 hours a day 6 days a week! Now I gotta defend the world from nukes through politics, and science, and WE ALREADY KNOW WE’RE ALREADY GOING TO BUILD AN ARMY AND BLOW EVERYONE UP!!! WHY WE GOTTA DANCE THIS DANCE???

huffs…huffs…huffs…

So how’s everybodys day going? Ready for Thanksgiving? I sure am looking forward to relatives you only twice a year getting drunk and talking politics 3 weeks after the election! What could go wrong???

Hmmmmm…maybe butter knives are the sharpest thing I should put on this table…

…wallet garden? So…like a garden where they grow wallets for you to eat?

I mean, if that’s in your taste palate, bone apple tea, I guess…

They developed Wii Play: Motion. That game came with a free wiimote! I loved that game!

Also Fire Pro World.

I just went on a rabbit hole of wikipedia. This would be a huge buy of MANY IPs.

steals your game save

Oh, irony!

Stop! Please! I can only get SO erect!

It could still let me launch programs I already paid for. I bought Warcraft 2 from Epic Games. I can still launch it.

There’s zero reason why I shouldn’t be able to launch a game to play offline.

Steam just apperently cut off support for windows 7. I better still be able to launch the games I paid for. At least offline. I haven’t tried yet. I only bought a few games.

…omg that sounds AMAZING!!! I haven’t even played any of those games. But like, your friend playing trucking simulator, and you play farming simulator. You grow corn. He trucks it.

the only person on the planet that believes influencers as far as I can throw them.

This phrase doesn’t work though. Unless you’re some body builder type, and can throw them really really far.

But even that doesn’t make sense either. Because if you said

“I only trust this guy 18 feet…”

the other person would say

“…18 feet? What? What does THAT mean???”

And you would say “What??? You think you can throw a man 19 feet??? Ok. Go grab him. Go. Go grab that man, and throw him 19 feet. Show me.”

At about this time I think they would just call the cops, assuming you have mental problems, and violent tendancies.

Which to be fair…yeah. You’re over here talking about how far you can pick another man up against their will, and how far you can throw them.

Although, how have we never made that an olympic event? You get a bunch of fat guys in a bar, and some body builder muscleheads, and see who wins. If the fat guy can escape, his time to escape is measured. Fastest fat guy gets the medal. Or, if he gets thrown, farthest throw distance wins the medal.

I’d watch that.

I’d accept the job, and then write the WORST assballs articles about how Mario isn’t trying to save the princess. He’s hunting her down to get more mushrooms. She’s not being kidnapped. She’s spending quality time with her husband. She’s not a princess. She works at a white castle. Which back in the 80s, still had some of the old royal castle buildings in use.

And Luigi isn’t his frightened little brother who won’t go on adventures because he’s scared. He’s just some guy who cleans and flips houses.

And Princess isn’t surrounded by her toads loyal servicemen. Those are dildos. Yes, ALL of them.

And then when they reject my work, I’d be like “Oh…then you are NOT going to like my article of pacman taking drugs and being racist…”

Great contribution to the conversation. It’s short. It’s direct. It leaves a huge amount of confusion what you’re even saying. Are you saying the industry doesn’t underpay? Are you saying the writers don’t prop up the industry? Who’s to say? Certainly not you! Because you didn’t say…

As someone who’s never paid attention to the word count, how long would that take to write, edit, and submit?

Buddy…government doesn’t give a shit about video games. They got wars to start. People to exploit.

“You’re gonna hate the way it feels. I guarantee it.”